Six Impossible Things
by Baka Neko
Summary: Six impossible things before breakfast.


**FMA: Six Impossible Things**

**Six Impossible Things**

"Alice laughed"There's no use trying" she said; "one can't believe impossible things."

"I daresay you haven't had much practice" said the Queen. "When I was younger, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast." - Alice in Wonderland.

**One.**

Colonel Roy Mustang has woken up as many things. He's woken up a green recruit, woken up homesick, woken up a murderer, woken up a war vet, woken up a hero. He even woke up married, though that was more the result of too much drink, and they both agreed later that if the record didn't exist, neither did the marriage.

So when he wakes up this morning, he does a quick body check that doesn't require opening his eyes, like feeling if there are any rings on the finger where there shouldn't be one, any missing or extraneous body parts (like that time he woke up with boobs, but later decided it was the cough medicine that was messing with his mind).

Well, he still has his dick, he doesn't have any boobs, still has his hair, there aren't any rings or hand cuffs or any piercings he didn't remember getting last night—no earring either; his earlobes are fine, the curve of his ear is kind of long and somewhat pointy…

Roy opens his eyes. This one definitely tops all the other experiences he's ever had.

"My god," he says experimentally, and is only mildly horrified that his deep and sexy morning voice has gone up two octaves to a breathless tenor, "I'm an elf!"

**Two.**

When Al clanks around stealthily like that, there's only one reason for him to do that. Ed swears this will be the last time he sends Al out to collect the paper, gurgles and spits. Then he points the frothy toothbrush accusingly at Al, who is holding the newspaper in front of him like a girl caught without a towel.

"What did you pick up this time?" he demands, only it sort of comes out as "Whaz yew pictup dis tym?"

"Erm," says Al, managing to squirm, never mind that his armour isn't jointed for that..

Ed squints suspiciously, then sticks the toothbrush back in his mouth in his best cigar-chewing mob-boss style. He wriggles his fingers in a wordless give-it-to-me gesture.

Al hands him the newspaper and sort of twiddles his thumbs, while Ed takes the sheet of paper between thumb and finger and gives it a disdainful stare.

Then he extends it back to Al, removes the toothbrush out of his mouth, and takes a chug from his mug to rinse out his mouth so that Al can't pretend to misunderstand him.

"Al, why does today's newspaper only have one sheet?"

"erm," says Al, and with great reluctance, removes his chest armour.

The baby unicorn happily curled up in a nest of newspaper strips spits out the rest of the comics section and pokes it nose into Ed's mug, where it laps up the water rather messily.

"Can we keep it, brother?" says Al bravely.

**Three.**

Elysia, filled with boundless energy and enthusiasm for the morning after having a good breakfast of Shiny Sugar Fruit Puffs, easily beats her mother to the door.

Gracia hastily snatches up her knapsack and lunchbox and readies her usual admonitions before she sends Elysia off on the schoolbus—and drops everything when she hears the squeal from the doorway, and the rush of departing footsteps.

"MOMMY!" says Elysia, starry-eyed, clinging like grim death. "UNCA ED AND UNCA AL GAVE ME A BAAAAAAAAAABY UNICOOOOORN!"

**Four.**

Havoc looks sadly at his own cigarettes, sighs and pushes it away. He hastily ducks down behind his paperwork when Hawkeye stalks by, muttering under her breath. Her cool was seriously perturbed when she woke up in the morning and found herself trying to holster a bow and a full quiver.

Still, life is good. He hears that girls like men with pointy ears, and he's hoping to score big tonight.

Not everyone seems to have acclimated to the change though. There's a loud crash to the right as Breda trips over his ever-shifting cloak again, and Fury refused to come to work today until he figured out how to braid his beard. No one could locate Farman, whose last reported sighting was at the Central City Park. The Colonel stalked in today muttering something about a desperate need for—trees? Whatever. When that clock strikes five, Jean Havoc is getting out there and finding someone who likes to nibble ears.

**Five.**

"I don't care if it's a bloody DRAGON," Ed growled, "don't you dare pick it up!"

"I'm sorry, brother," said Al humbly. "But it was just so cute!"

Ed just snorted and shook his head. "Well, maybe we could fob the dragon off the Colonel," he speculated, "they'll probably get along like a house on fire."

He grinned at the image, chortling to himself as he imagined the Colonel trying to fight fire with fire. Yeah, that would show the Colonel-

"Brother, watch out!"

"Oof!" said Ed, bouncing off a broad back. He blinked dazedly at the mass of gold, silky hair that almost reached the waist. "Sorry miss, I didn't see—"

Armstrong turned around, the movement flipping his long, gold, silky hair over his shoulder and pointy ears.

**Six.**

Somewhere, Dante was eaten by a fire-breathing dragon and never seen again.

THE END.


End file.
